My favorite joke is Bill Bailey’s Chaucer Pub gag. Not sure if links will work but let’s try:
—
Guess that failed. Here’s the text (but’s it better to hear him say it!)
Three fellows wenten into a pubbe,
and gleefully their hands did rubbe,
in expectacion of revelry,
for twas the hour known as happy.
Great bottles of wine did they quaff,
and hadde a really goode laff,
’till drunkenness held full dominion,
for ’twas two for the price of one.
Yet after wine and meade and sack,
man must have a massive snack,
great pasties from Cornwall,
Scottish eggs, round like a ball.
Great hams, quail, duck and geese,
they sucked the bones and drank the grease.
One fellow stood all pale and wan,
for he was a vegiterian.
Yet man knoweth that gluttony stoketh the fire of lechery,
upon three young wenches round and sly the fellows cast a wanton eye,
One did approach with drunken wink,
‘allow daaahlin – you fancy a drink?
Soon they court them on their knee – ’twas like some grotesque puppetry,
such was the lewdness and debauchery ’twas like a sketch by Dick Emery,
Except Dick Emery is not yet born,
so that comparison may not be drawn.
But then the fellows began to pale,
for Quale are not the friend of ale,
And in their bellies much confusion,
from their throats, vile extruision!
Stinking foul coruption,
came spewing forth from drooling lips,
the fettid stench did fill the pubbe,
’twas the very arse of Belzibubbe.
Thrown they were, from the Whore and Trumpet,
In the street, no coin, no strumpet,
homeward bound must quickly go,
and to that end, a donkey stole.
Their hands all with vomit greased,
the donkey – was not pleased,
and threw them into a ditch of shite,
they all agreed – “what a brilliant night!”
I guess you’re saying our jokes on our profiles weren’t that great? Fair enough – I’m fond of the snowman one but it’s not for everyone. : )
I come from Derry in Northern Ireland, but I moved to England for university in 1999. I have to admit that London feels like home to me now (but don’t tell my parents!).
I’m delighted that the joke thread has had this much attention! Can I encourage everyone to feel to comment on any of the other answers to? I bet the scientists all feel the same — we’d love to engage in more conversation on the great questions that are being asked. Giving a quick answer sometimes just raises more questions so it’d be fun to discuss some of them more. IMHO.
Comments
Moderator - Sian commented on :
Doesn’t look like your link works Joseph, please try again, I want to hear the joke! 🙂
babehillier2k10 commented on :
hahahhaah lol
incom378 commented on :
are you actually a babe because am ginger:X
mattdizzle92 commented on :
that is indeed a brilliant joke
Carolyn commented on :
I guess you’re saying our jokes on our profiles weren’t that great? Fair enough – I’m fond of the snowman one but it’s not for everyone. : )
I come from Derry in Northern Ireland, but I moved to England for university in 1999. I have to admit that London feels like home to me now (but don’t tell my parents!).
nikkibriercliffe commented on :
i dont get it ?
headboywin commented on :
how can you not?!
grandadherbert95 commented on :
a man walks into a bar – and said ouch
daisychainsaw commented on :
Hahahahahahahaha…
Joe commented on :
Can I just add that this is *so* much better hearing Bill Bailey tell it. If you can, I recommend hearing him directly:
roryc4 commented on :
Does anyone know any good Chuck Norris jokes?
knightrider93 commented on :
a boy i know called tom ritchie knows some really good jokes.
headboywin commented on :
We have a Tom ritchie at our school, he has really good jokes, its all in his delivery
incom378 commented on :
┼║╓╕╗╘╙╚╛╛╝♣♠♂☼☻☺◦◘●○○◊◄▼►►▲▬▫♥♦♫
incom378 commented on :
does he know good jokes? well a garentee there rubbish
headboywin commented on :
They’re not rubbish, he has our rugby team in stiches everytime!
incom378 commented on :
What rugby team do you play for?
headboywin commented on :
the school one
incom378 commented on :
head boy win:Were abouts in sotland do you stay?
incom378 commented on :
Do you have an xbox 360 or live
incom378 commented on :
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headboywin commented on :
Its a long way from France
mattdizzle92 commented on :
oh nice one grandadherbert95 that was clearly the best joke ever and iim really glad you left it as a comment
Mod - Shane commented on :
great joke! 🙂
Joe commented on :
I’m delighted that the joke thread has had this much attention! Can I encourage everyone to feel to comment on any of the other answers to? I bet the scientists all feel the same — we’d love to engage in more conversation on the great questions that are being asked. Giving a quick answer sometimes just raises more questions so it’d be fun to discuss some of them more. IMHO.
Moderator - Sian commented on :
very good point Joe! 🙂